When I picture a perfect LOVE...a perfect Love , the beloved is a creature worthy of love and they are Adored by their Admirer. This Adoration and Love is not merely skin-deep it is everlasting and richly unique, full of the minute details that are easy for others to overlook but lie, as we are told, in the "eye" of the beholder. I have come to believe, with great research on the subject of Love, that if you are really truly loved then you are adored. There are plenty of variations of Love...some are of a fleeting emotion of love while some are an enduring love and still others are a neverending type of Love. Perhaps the Greeks and Latins had it right...their ancient languages have a variety of words to describe more clearly what they intend and desire and what the depth of their desire is. But here, in the US, we Americans have a warped and backwards perception of Love. This is my opinion.
As a child, Love was a much saught-after emotional connection. I very much wanted to feel loved and many times...too many times...I was disappointed for not receiving what I was seeking. A child will misbehave and do many things, including self-hating behaviors in order to satiate the desire for love. This describes my childhood. As a teenager, here in the US...in my life...I discovered that Boys and Men noticed me. I was a pretty little teen and I figured out that Boys and Men liked me. They liked my looks and my attitude. I did not know then what they really wanted from me or how they really saw me...I only recognized the outside influence...the attention. I know now what the difference is between ATTENTION and LOVE. Getting inside the TRUTH of this situation takes a great deal of trust and self-understanding...something most young people are not learning. No one ever told me to trust my intuition or to esteem myself highly or to wait! No one ever said to me, "Angel...don't have sex....WAIT. " . And so the first smooth-talking boy who won me over by giving me attention that I never got, was easily able to convince me that my value suddenly appeared when my clothes were off. Thankfully, I now understand the truth. And on a finer point on this subject...women need to trust other women to be their guides and confidants on this journey. I understand that now. Some women have said to me that they do not trust other women....it is the MEN you should not be trusting! Obviously trust them in business and certain circles but if you are a woman and do not have strong female leadership in your life...FIND SOME.
Here is why you need to be adored...I am going to spell it out. YOU are WORTHY of GREAT things. Everytime you lessen your value or "stoop" to a low level or violate your conscience, you are damaging that self image and it will take a LONG time to repair when it is lost or a longer time still if you never had it. I have said this in previous Blogs of mine, but I will repeat it: I have no idea how I got here in one piece. I have no idea how I am still here. I am grateful to have this time to realize what my life is supposed to be like and what I am destined for. My gratitude IS my LOVER. My gratitude never lets me down...never disappoints...never fails. My Gratitude is my grace and allows me to heal. My gratitude has given me more blessings then any person, any fullfilled wish, any child, any gift or talent, has ever done. My gratitude gives me abundant health and healing from illnesses of the body and mind. By being grateful and living a life of gratitude where I concentrate, focus and meditate on what is good and ignore all that is bad, negative and evil, I have healed myself. I am not healing...I am healed. I no longer suffer from low self-esteem. Gratitude is free...it comes freely to those who are willing to use it's amazing power. When I call on gratitude in the depths of my despair, it is always present...always.
Knowing that you are worthy...yes YOU...not me, although I AM, but YOU...this should give you peace. If you feel you are not worthy of Love and of being adored then ask yourself why? For what reason? Isolate the cause of that reason...and then fix it. Fix it by forgiving yourself and asking others to forgive you if need be. Then spend time in meditation to discover how to overcome it. And lastly, ACT. Do the things you need to do to fix this self-hate. I keep my Blog so that I can review my patterns and see my growth. There are many great things I discover re-reading. There are things I need to work on still. Rhonda Byrne and The Secret/The Power have been a major influence toward this thinking. A friend of mine recently said, "The Secret is a good book but trust yourself too". I told her that although reading the Secret taught me this Secret...I did not stop reading there...I read much more on this subject and other related subjects. In another Blog I will share about the many sources of literary inspiration I have combined to develop MY PHILOSOPHY. I surround myself with wisdom from many unconnected sources. I refuse to accept that one source has collaborated all the wisdom I will ever need to know in life and therefore, I enjoy finding the discovery myself. I have been researching Love, Life and Spirituality since I was old enough to read and that search will continue until I pass from this life.
Adore yourself. Start there. Adore you the way you wish to be adored. If you are a man reading this, I must apologize because I do not know if all this is true for men, but for those of us with vaginas, it is accurate and beneficial. A woman, a teenage girl and a young girl ALL must learn to love themselves, know who they are and what they like and what they desire BEFORE they enter into a serious relationship with a man. IF they do this...they have a chance at being successful. Even there it is a small chance. A woman does not look at herself and think derogatory things like the type of mental process a drooling male has. Men are likely to see her as a sex object to give him pleasure. A woman needs to know her value so that she can train the neanderthol man to see it too. After this has been established, if there is a connection still...if he can really truly come to adore her, then they may stand a chance at love...at everlasting and real LOVE. There is a story in the bible that I cannot help but refer to here. I draw my inspiration from so many places...the Bible may seem to be an unlikely one for me, but it is an old testament story. This was the story of Rebecca and Jacob in the book of Genesis.
http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/bible-stories-about-love-5-encouraging-scripture-summaries/
"After Jacob ran away from his brother Esau, he went to live with his mother’s family in Haran. While looking for his uncle Laban, Jacob met Rachel, Laban’s daughter. She was caring for her father’s sheep. Rachel took Jacob to Laban who gave Jacob a job and a place to stay.
Jacob negotiated with Laban to work for him for seven years. In return Laban would give his daughter Rachel to Jacob as his wife. The Bible says in Genesis 29:20, “And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her.” "
This illustration from the Bible has always made a major impact on my beliefs about worthiness in Love and about demonstrating faith and eliminating doubt in Love. How can anyone truly KNOW they are Loved and Adored without an Act of Faith being shown? I suppose most people feel that their men have shown that when they have proposed or married them. Some believe it has been shown much sooner. I myself have been reviewing my laundry list of Loves from my past to see what I believe was really going on in each relationship. It has been an interesting task that I will elaborate on in a later Blog. In an interesting twist, I later found a book wherein the main character needs to go back and talk to these people from the past so that she can close the door and feel free to move forward. I am not a believer that we need to go back and talk to people from our pasts...in some instances we just need to reflect upon them and come to understand the person and the behavior. I actually would NEVER advise going back and trying to rehash what went on in past relationships...just ask yourself...the answer is in you.
So now you may be looking for Love...a relationship, or you may be (like me) in a very messed up relationship with someone but bound to them by responsibility. No matter where you live, or what your career or how old you are, it is normal to be searching for love. I know that my heart is still searching for perfect Love. It would be great if I could discover that what I am really hoping for...that REAL Love is here in my relationship now and just needs to be cultivated. However, there is a chance it is not. I have accepted both possibilities and I have done one better...I have put myself on the pedestal. I Love myself. I have taken the time to woo myself...find out what I like...learn what my favorite things are. I made a list, like a love list...what do I LOVE?
Name: AngelMarie VanGyzen
Age: 36
Favorite Flower: Lilacs for Fragrance, Tiger Lillies for appearance
I Prefer quiet times spent in reading, writing, meditation, research, gardening, communing with nature or visiting with friends.
I Enjoy Theatre, movies, tv, live music, exercise (especially walking and sports), eating and creating a meal or Event together
I despise phoniness, liars, greed, over-materialism, lack of respect for people or nature. I stay away from negative talk, gossip and anger
I Love to eat Italian Food...spicy food and delicious things of all sorts. I Love to be with my kids. I love to sleep, especially with the sun on my face. I do NOT like to fly but I Love to travel.
I put myself on the pedestal to adore myself. I take care of my body...looking for the things it needs not because I hate what I look like and want to punish myself but because I know the benefits. I recognize that I have to improve my health to live a longer life. I realize that if I do not do it, no one else will. I care for myself now the way I care for my children and I encourage others to do it. I adore ME. I ADORE me. I...adore....me.
~namaste
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