I Love being in Love. And right now I am in Love with almost everything I see. I feel like that Karen Carpenter song- "not a cloud in my sky, got the sun in my eye and I won't be surprised if it's a dream...I'm on the Top of the World". I can still recall a time when feeling Love for people and things in my life was an extreme challenge for me. I remember first reading about the "Secret" and how it calls for total devotion to Loving everything in order to bring good things into your life and get you on the right frequency to experience miracles. Even for me, this concept was wrought with implication...how could I just suddenly start loving people and situations when I clearly was not feeling love at that time. I thought maybe I could fake it a bit...pretend I felt love. I tried it. It worked in short spurts, but when times got tough, it just wasn't enough to do the job.
How do I learn to love again after the world has shown me more reasons to be bitter and disappointed and hateful...everyhting BUT love? Not easily, that's how. The first month after reading the Secret I was still full of doubt about how to create that feeling of love inside of me toward things I did not feel good about. Thankfully, I asked the Universe to help me get there and I gave over my faith that the way would be shown to me. It is a process, I am discovering. I am much stronger at it now than I was then and I am nowhere near where I believe I should be. It has become my daily practice to be more loving, understanding and open. In addition, visualizing and putting faith and happy feelings into your vision is essential. A person must really see themselves doing the thing they desire and also they must feel it.
It was easy for me to apply my new beliefs to my current work in daycare. I see the day-to-day challenges as small...completely surmountable. I overlook any insult given to me by clients and I try to emphasize important information with the most positivity I can muster. When children act innappropriately, I again try to put the most positive spin on it while being very firm. I make the extra effort to offer loving gestures and signs of affection so that they will not feel that my firmness is a lack of love. Children after all often require a firm hand when being disciplined. My son and daughter both test me a lot, so I have to start with them. With every person in my life, I have to apply my philosophies fairly and hold them to the same standards as every other person. The hardest part is simply recognizing that each person will react differently to their circumstances and feelings. Their behavior and reactions reflect what is going on inside of them so it is always going to be different,
One of the more helpful chapters regarding the Secret and using the Secret was actually from the book, "The Power". There is an entire section dedicated to helping you learn how to fall in love with things...but even better is the segment about PET's- Personal Emotional Trainers. I feel like a have quite a few of these. People whose behavior or personalities are so challenging for me...I have to remind myself that their only purpose in my reality is to make me a stronger and more productive person. I am not meant to be offended or upset by these people. they are actually helping me, if I let them! I can think of a few right off the top of my head- I have a lot of difficult people in my life. That sounds mean, I know but it's not supposed to be mean...just honest. I do not see myself as a person who is difficult to like, love or get along with. I am usually a nice person who looks for other people's happiness and comfort before my own. Alot of people in my life though, are not this way.
Speaking of me being a nice person, it also came to my observation that my "niceness' as I keep calling it springs from a deeper insecurity about not wanting to be hated or not wanting to be un-admired. In other words, I am so longing for love and admiration that I will sacrifice myself to make others happy. In doing this I have lost significant parts of my former self. But this is not really about gaining and losing...it's actually deeper than that. This pattern presents itself everywhere in my life. Especially in my primary relationships. It has to do with respect: giving it and expecting to be given it. When my "spouse" chooses to disppear after work and not answer my calls for hours even when I am expecting him home, this is disrespect. I used to respond to this by nagging, complaining and holding a grudge. But I recently decided that this is no demonstration of love. However, I was finding it hard to respond with love...until I considered it a different way. Instead of being angry at HIM for not showing me the Love I deserved, I just ignored that negative behavior. This still made me feel like I was not getting the Love and Respect I deserve, so I took it a bit further. I decided that if I cannot change his behavior, I will simply mirror it back to him and see what happens. I will tell you that what happens when you do this...well it is a miracle. It will change your life. The next time you are feeling disrespected, just mirror back the behavior in the kindest, simplest most un-bitter way you can. For me, the way was that I did not back down in expecting him to come home and watch his children and relieve me for the things I need to do. If he was not going to change his actions to suit me, then I will not change mine to suit him. In the past, I would always do this. His behavior would get me down and so I would sulk and feel bad and wait around and commisurate. Then when the time came for me to have my time doing my activities, he would put on the guilt about me leaving him. Huh! can you believe that? I fell for it for years...I cancelled things and dropped out of things and kept myself close by for when he was available. No more of that.
Nowadays, if he doesn't give me the courtesy of telling me where he is going when he is out, I mirror the behavior and do the same. When I go out I am as vague as possible about when I will be back and where we are going and who will be there. I do not like to be a liar so I just leave out any details I feel he has no real need to know.After all, isn't that what he is doing to me? Do I feel guilty? Not at all. If he is not going to care about my needs, then why does he need to be filled in anyway? Sounds like a lack of love, but actually what I am doing is showing Love for MYSELF. The Secret says you must feel love...that means for whatever or whoever you can and generate those wonderful feelings of love. If you are in a state of Love for something or someone and you are not worried or stressed or burdened, then you are generating that frequency and that energy that magnetizes things and people to you. I have definitely become a magnet. I am not sure if I am always attracting the thing I want, but when I see I am not, I change what I think needs to be changed and I never lack results. I always get results.
To summarize, I have learned to Love myself. This was SO MUCH HARDER than I ever imagined it would be. I prioritize caring for myself. I reward myself for my hard work. I do not over-extend myself beyond what is reasonable for me and I allow myself to rest when I need it. when it comes to my children and family, I see that in order to care for them, I must put in as much time caring for myself or I will eventually begin to resent them and this will not be loving at all. With the spouse situation, I have come to feel that I do not want much from him. I don't need much from him either. I try to provide for myself in every possible way and when I find a way that I am not being completely independent, I take that on as my next task or project- to create a totally independent person,,,,ME.
Great Song!
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