Wanting. Waiting.

That song by Madonna keeps coming to mind...with the ryhthm...you know the one I mean.  "wanting, waiting...for you to justify my love".  Amazing how as a teenager I would chant along to the song when it was on tv or the radio...mindless repetition of words with little meaning.  But now, at 37 years old, I find myself pondering them deeply.  I am wanting and waiting for something very special...something I have wished for a long time but never have really truly had for myself.  And I cannot fully have it until another person wants the same thing and "justifies" it...

I am starting off in the deep water today, but honestly I have not felt so lighthearted in weeks, or perhaps months.  Challenges have a way of making life feel easier....not at first of course.  A few days ago I was burdened and heavy-hearted and felt I had lost control.  I beleived I was losing something.  Today I am reminded that nothing is ever really lost except what never was yours to begin with.  I BELIEVE very firmly that what is ours will go and return to us.  In fact...to be sure, I DO BELIEVE that we were born with everything we needed and that we are required in our lifetime to let all things go and then allow them to come back to us.  As the old saying goes, "If you love something, let it go.  If it returns to you, it is meant to be yours.  If it does not, it was never yours to begin with".

These are reassuring words if you can be patient.  These expressions certainly explain lost love, death and passion.  As we all levitate toward the Light, or toward God, or toward a Unified World...or whatever it is we desire and Love most, the challenge is always, letting go.  Letting go means accepting that we are not the ones in control as we may think we are.  The power of our intentions WILL draw things to us...if we are purposeful and mindful of the thoughts that govern 50% or more of our time.  But I have frequently drawn things to me that were no good for me at all...simply to satisfy my desires.  There have been times in my life where I look around and I ask myself, "why are these people, situations or issues in my life?  I neither Love nor desire them".  It is at this time that I must judge for myself that I have unwittingly attracted them to me.  Undoubtedly there is suffering when I attempt to make changes.  There is loneliness in losing people...even bad people.  There is fear in giving up a job...or losing a job, even a bad one! 

When we concentrate energy, effort and thought into what is GOOD today...what is GOOD always...there is much to be happy about.  Taking the time to be truly in the moments of our lives is a cure for sadness and loneliness.  It is the great healing ointment for all wounds.  Whatever we do for a living...it should consist of moments that we are happy to be engaged in...not regretful of.  Those moments must be spent gratefully...acting in love or out of passion for something or someone.  I work with children.  There are many moments that I feel cross or frustrated.  These do happen and anyone with children knows that these young people experience mood swings and bad behavior on a daily basis.  But they also are innocent and fun and learn through play...they listen when read-to...they are learning new things.  When I embrace the latter of these two lists, my joy and passion for the work I do, flips.  As Malcolm Gladwell wrote in the book, "The Tipping Point" and also Rhonda Byrne in "The Secret"...it only takes tipping from being negative to positive...engage the 50%.  Once you find most of your time is spent in positivity, your life will get better and better and better!

When I worked as a Dispatcher for AAA, I had a difficult job...it is a tricky work environment to manage.  Not everyone can hack it.  I thought for a while I was one who would never be able to do it.  BUT...I didn't give up.  I learned and established myself and soon found that even on the most hectic, busy and stressful days, I secretly enjoyed the tasks that made up my day.  I loved solving the problems and making the plans...I even liked the tension that I knew would arise when inevitably conflicts of interest would occur.  I liked being the peacemaker among different personalities.  I truly LOVED being a Dispatcher...but honestly, the reason I loved it so much was that I knew it was a hard job and not everyone was well-suited for it.  I liked being one of the few who could really hack it.  I still take so much pride in that. 

That work ethic is the foundation of my life.  Am I a babysitter?  YES.  Is it easy?  Depends...how much do you put into it?  How much of yourself do you give?  Everything and anything we do has the potential to be easy or challenging.  I choose to challenge myself...everyday, in every way.  I give and give until I can honestly see that I am full.  I don't do it for attention or to be "owed back in favors"...nope.  I don't do it because "God told me it's right to do"...nope.  I do it because it is my destiny and why I exist.  I live to serve...and by fullfilling my life's purpose, and along that road, I know I will encounter like-minded people who will bring great joy into my life and experience it with me.  Achieving that joy and Inner Peace is my highest level of attainment and my ultimate goal in life.

I deeply admire the people who are striving for world peace...I feel ill-equipt for the job but I will work on increasing my spiritual energy and raising myself to a more enlightened place so that I will stop contributing to the negativity that has put our world in crisis.  My friend Sam and I have been talking about how we would like to have like-minded friends that can meet regularly to share about how we use the Law of Attraction and our beliefs about the Universal Energy and God to make our lives and the lives of others better.  I think this is a worthy use of our time.

~namaste~