Making time to write

Lately I am getting a taste of what it feels like to be extremely busy.  Having children always makes things complicated because they must come first.  What they need has to get taken care of.  At least in my world it does.  I cannot neglect them or deprive them of the attention I desire to give them.  They come first for me.  This afternoon was the usual battle with my daughter who is nine.  The difference was that instead of being home all day and ready to take on her need with refreshed energy, I had just come off a long shift at AAA and I was exhausted, my feet hurt- I just wanted dinner to be cooked and ready.  Long story short, it wasn't.  So as I attended to the making of the elusive dinner I also coached my daughter about what she ought to be doing. 

Recently I have been allowing Annika to take Guitar lessons with a friend of mine who plays guitar.  They both enjoy the experience but, as anyone who knows a child or has a child in their life knows, my daughter is somewhat lazy and difficult to motivate.  She sulked with her guitar in hand for the twenty minutes it took for me to prepare a meal.  I set the table and everytime I returned to the kitchen, there she was sulking and flicking away at the strings.  I take solace in knowing that I am not alone.  I just kept thinking that if I had more time or a desire to spend an extra $20 per week on myself I would learn the instrument myself!  I would love to!  But of course, we are trying to think of our children and so we sacrifice and encourage them to try...actually, I nag.

But my recent re-hire to AAA has made me realize as a reminder I suppose, of the challenge of getting "back" into something as opposed to having stayed with it in the first place.  Music and performing were my whole life for a while.  I lost that at some turn of the road and I still feel lost without it in my life.  I have friends who are still musical and I always feel like I need someone else to help me create music.  I need to feel more whole about it.  Maybe I will learn to play guitar myself.  Yeah.  Maybe that is what I need to do.  For me.