~Ode to a Veteran~

I have called him Brother...John...little John...Buddy...little Buddy.  We were on the verge of having the kind of relationship that was more of a friendship.  He was gone so fast.  SO FAST.  I will never forget the morning of July 4th.  It was 9am and David and I were lying in bed- it was a Sunday morning.  Annika was still sleeping and we were just watching the news.  The phone rang and when David answered he began to say Hello hello repeatedly.  I snatched the phone and reprimanded him.  When John called from Iraq there was always a delay of about 15 seconds.  As I had figured, it was him...I was thrilled to hear from him.  We spoke briefly.  He was cryptic...he was about to go on a mission which he knew may be dangerous.  He did not elaborate but told me how he felt about our freedom in this country...it was an enriching talk.  We made plans to see each other in September when he was set to return home.  Instead- we were never to see one another again. 

John did return home several weeks later but not in the way he ought to have.  He came home in a box.  He was a broken body.  He was a Veteran, KIA.  He was Honorably Discharged...a term that brought my poor father to his knees in tears.  Seeing my Dad cry like that was one of the only times I cried in front of anybody throughout the entire ordeal.  I just couldn't let those tears come.  I just felt numb.  Like the Linkin Park song- an anthem to that period in my life because that was really how it felt- numbing.  John was killed on July 5th.  Only about 12 hours after he spoke to me.  I was the last one in our family to hear from him.  The Marines had to form a line to use the phone and so when it was their turn, they only got one call.  On that day, I was the one.  I wish that made me feel better.

Honorably discharged...Lance Corporal...little brother...veteran of a foreign war.  I was given the privelege of  delivering the Eulogy at my kid brother's funeral.  It was an experience I had never wished for, ever.  But I felt a duty to do it.  The morning we arranged the program I shocked my family and the minister by reading the Eulogy to them so there would be no surprises on that day.  What they did not know was that Part of the Eulogy would be in song.  When I stopped speaking and suddenly began to sing, I heard sounds of general weeping from the entire family.  I was not trying to cause them to suffer- I just wanted them to let go of the pain and feel the loss as they ought to.  He was gone.  Not to be forgotten.  To be loved.  He was loved.  Always was spoiled- the baby of the family.

Hold me when I'm here
right me when I'm wrong
Hold me when I'm scared
I won't always be there
so Love me when I'm Gone....

RIP my sweet brother.  I will always remember you for being a beautiful child and an amazing man.  Forever my Hero.  I miss you like crazy.

XXOO