When you really start to see yourself honestly and completely, there will be things you love about you and things you hate about you....but for better or worse, this is who you are. The Law of Attraction says that we draw everthing to us by our thoughts about ourselves. Therefore we have power to change anything and everything. If there is anything in our lives now that we are not happy with, we possess the power and ability to change it- no matter what it is! You may find this hard to believe but it is the truth and it is the Law. When I discover things are not as they should be within my scope and in my circumstances, I see that I have an opportunity to correct it by changing my thinking and altering my behavior in that area of my life.
Some problems may seem too large to "think your way out of" but it can be done. I have read about, heard about and seen it happen for other people. Anything that can happen for them can happen for me in my own life. It all depends upon my level of faith and patience. It also depends upon my gratitude. I feel grateful for so much that has happened in my life. I sometimes wonder where I found the strength to get through some of it. Ultimately, I found the strength from different sources at different times. The smart person knows when it is time to walk away and from whom they should walk away. I feel very reflective upon my situation today- I am thinking about how problems that are appearing this month were cultivated before (earlier) and are now presenting themselves as the circumstances I am living in. So I am asking myself, what have I really been thinking about and how did I create such a mess?
I would like this blog to be useful writing for people...timeless and subjective with just enough of me personally to give it that unique "AngelMarie" twist. But today I feel slightly drained and slightly modified. I do not feel like me at all. I feel older and hopefully wiser. I sense I am on the verge of a crisis...one that will change everything...one that will make or break me. I know deep down that I am strong enough to face it and handle any outcome. But I just cannot bring myself to be that open. Have you ever had that feeling? You have a burning desire to show your true colors and be completely open but you just know that the ignorant people of the world are waiting to lynch you. They cannot wait for you to show the slightest sign of weakness. So your pride stands between you and your absolution.
I have not followed the smartest path in life and for possibly the first time ever, I feel honest regret for it. I regret how my choices have hurt my bottom line (finances) and how they have affected my health and wellness. I regret the pain I have caused to people I love. And the worst of it I suppose, is I still hurt over it inside..and I do not let it go. this is basically telling the Universe, "I want more things to come to me that will make me suffer! See how I love to suffer and how I keep letting myself suffer?"
So this cycle has to stop! In some cases, this behavior manifests as depression and in other cases all out rebellion and emotional breakdowns. But tonite, I am just calm and reserved and feeling very quiet with my contemplations. I am stronger now and so I can never go back to those childish ways because I am not that person anymore.
Many people refuse to see me as changed. They see me as they want to or as they have in the past but I know that there have been major changes in my heart. In many ways these changes are visible and my life reflects renewed faith and spirituality. There are even many good situations on the horizon and I believe that with my whole heart...they are coming. new and big things are about to appear for us. I am so glad for this. Even if my soul feels completely retrograde tonight...melancholy and lackluster, changes are coming soon. Thank Goodness for that! I know on another day, I am going to read this blog and see that it is nothing more than drivel...a waste of literary space, but I felt the need to write, for better or for worse. Maybe someone else will read this and it will benefit them somehow- I doubt it, but I can hope!
I am perfectly imperfect. I like myself...I love myself. I am loved by many people. I cannot live my life in fear of other people's judgements...I just have to be real. I have a very old friend who I do not speak to anymore but this friend saw things in me and they used to warn me that I needed to be real. I never saw how right they were until recently. So I am glad I see it now. Thanks MW. You were right about me all along. Much Love to you wherever you are.
No comments:
Post a Comment