The Power of Intention and Parenting

Could there be a finer combination than Intention and Parenting?  I am a Mother with two children.  My children are 9 and 2years old.  My oldest is a girl and the younger, a boy.  Many of my readers will have similar family situations to this.  I have noticed that most families I know these days have 2 children.  I don't think this is accidental.  I think this is intentional.  There may have been times throughout history when having larger families was necessary or more desirable but these days, having 2 children seems like just the right amount.  Honestly, if I am being very honest, these 2-children households probably thought it was best to add the second child so that their first would not be lonely, and then they thought it best to stop there due to the high cost of raising kids.

Whatever the reason, I happen to have 2 children who I adore.  They are really great kids with big personalities and a lot of depth.  I love these qualities in a child-any child.  when I meet a child who has personality and depth, I know that there is good parenting happening at home.  When I meet a child with wild mood swings and unpredictable behavior or a violent pattern of behavior, than I immediately know there are problems at home.  Everything comes back to the home, you see.  Many people may not like that I say this because it is easy to question it, but let's examine the facts.  Our personal qualities are a combination of heredity and experience.  We are born with some genetic connections to the people from whom we were created but then we develop tendencies, habits and abilities as a result of our learned responses and from our environment.  This is why a person who lives in a cold climate will adapt to the conditions of their surroundings and a person from a sunny and dry environment will have darker skin to protect themselves. 

In addition to having children, I also work with children on a daily basis in my home as a Home Daycare Provider.  It is rewarding work.  Over the years I have had many types of children and families come to me for care.  I have witnessed and experienced every type of situation out there.  I have had Adopted children, bi-racial familes, Foster-Care children, Children with ADD or ADHD and also those on the Autism spectrum.  I have had babies, toddlers, preschoolers and school-aged children here in my home.  I have had boys and girls in many combinations of age.  There is consistency in the observation about environments affecting development.  The ones that excel and the ones who cooperate the best, are always the children who receive the proper blending of discipline and nurturing at home.  They show consideration for others, personal determination to achieve their goals and positivity in building relationships.

The point I wish to make about Parenting being Intentional is that as parents it is our duty to be the best we can at it.  Not one of us can be perfect at it all the time and certainly our styles will vary.  Likewise our children will have difficult period of development where they require a bit of extra guidance or patience until certain attitudes or behaviors pass or mature or just improve.  As a Mother, I intend for my children to achieve milestones in their development.  I intend it by thinking it, believeing it and then acting upon it.  For example, when it was time for my daughter to learn to read, we followed these steps.  First we had to be aware that she had reached this stage in her development where it was necessary for her to become a reader.  Next, we put our faith in her ability to become a reader and lastly, we went to the library and bookstore to get age-appropriate reading.  Of course, additional steps are needed until the end result is achieved.  For instance, we needed to read everyday with her and show her how to pronounce words and blended letter sounds.  We cultivated excitement in her to read new things and even acted-out the stories.  In other words, Intending to do something only works when you see it through.

I read somewhere not too long ago, that the human brain develops all things by habit.  This is why we must discipline and correct and guide and redirect our children along the way.  And we must do it diligently, everyday.  We lose speed if we allow things to go without correction for too long.  We allow the brain to settle into a pattern and it becomes habitual very quickly.  It takes only three weeks to establish any habit (according to Dale Carnegie, the author of  7 Habits of Highly Effective People).  So as we start any new lesson, we should assume it will take time to form the habit and it will take time to get to the point where a child understands that they must follow-through.  Each day, with my children, I intend to teach.  This is also true of the children who come to me for daycare...I intend to teach all of them.  I am not always sure what I will be teaching, but I pay close attention to the trends that sprout up as the children are playing, talking and interacting or even as they are disobeying or behaving badly.  Within each interaction are clues about what direction to go in.

I truly Love what I do with children and I have loved doing it for many years now.  As I see the results unfold into adulthood...yes, I am old enough to have seen this...I can see the strengths and weaknesses I have in my ability to teach or direct.  As I become aware of these, I adjust them to improve myself.  I am nothing, if not improved.  I am grateful for each child who has formed in me a desire to give and love and reach higher!  I hope and pray that I have also done that for them! 



Me with Annika in my Toddler classroom at WonderKids.