Whenever you become a parent, at whatever stage of life you are in, you have it in the back of your mind that one day you will be required to sit across the table from your child and discuss the "birds and the bees". Tonight I had this conversation with my firstborn, my 9year old daughter. As with all things I experience there were several elements at play and the LoA of course had set things in motion to enable the chat. First, since my daughter has been Acting and Modeling we have been observing her body more closely and so has she. I thought her increased appetite was from all the extra work of Acting and Schoolwork, but nonetheless the idea was planted in my mind that perhaps she was having some sort of growth spurt. This would be an unfortunate coincidence as we recently bought her a flower-girl's dress for a wedding in October! Then today I observed a 10 year old friend of hers applying deodorant before school. When later in the morning I found myself waiting in the Pediatrician's office with my 3year old son, I found some pamphlets and one of them was about girls and puberty. So it was a sign!
Thank you, Law of Attraction...I did get the message and I did take care of business. Here are my tips for making it through if you have not already done this. Keep in mind I am just a Mother and a Woman who works closely with school-aged children so I have no particular expertise. Wisdom about life and people will go a long way as will a dose of patience. here are some practicals for you:
1. Whenever possible, have the Same-Sex Parent conduct the discussion. If Mom tries to talk about body parts with her son, she will get through it but understanding that he may feel way more awkward then if Dad did it! Also, it helps to hear from someone who has direct experience with the body parts in question. Kids are skeptical and so they will probably wonder what we girls really know about the male genitalia...(Shhhh...they are not really ready to hear about all THAT yet.).
2. Start by educating yourself. As in my story, I picked up a pamphlet and it was enough information for a good discussion and a firm foundation. Also, the literature gave credibility to what I was saying. Try reading through it all yourself and then casually offerring it to your child. Say something nonchalent like this..."I was at the doctor's office and I saw this. I thought you may be interested in learning about this. Read it and if you have any questions, come see me". I know my daughter like a book. She was playing her Nintendo DSI and I did this (exact words). Then I went downstairs and occupied myself in a task that I would not mind being interrupted from shortly. Sure enough, 5 minutes later she came down and whispered in my ear that she had questions.
3. Create a relaxing atmosphere. The worst thing you could do is let tension form. Don't give them the pamphlet and then make yourself unavailable. You may never be able to recoup for lost time! I simply got up from what I was doing, brought her to the dining room where we could talk in private and got us both a snack and a drink (think comfort foods). She immediately relaxed and proceeded to ask questions.
4. Remain calm and keep a sense of humor. Children are very direct. They may say things that you personally could feel offended by. You cannot let yourself take anything they say personnally. In some cases, they need to vent about their fears...even if they fear becoming like (gulp)...YOU! My daughter needed some visual assistance so I showed her that her reporoductive organs are underneath her belly button. I did this while showing her my belly. Clearly my daughter wishes to never have a "chubby belly" like mine. Truly, how could I argue that?
5. Don't push. Whatever they want to know about or DON't want to know about is ok. this should be a first step. Rome was not built in a single discussion, right? Our kids will survive without knowing everything and if they are not showing curiosity yet about any particular subject it seems unnecessary to push into it. Honestly, I wasn't sure my daughter would have any questions at all but she did. Then when the discussion got going, I was surprised at the areas of the subject she was interested in and what she said nothing about. I reminded her that she and her classmates in school were all going to experience this.
6. Teach Tolerance. This is perhaps your greatest opportunity to emphasize the need for tolerance toward those who are different. My daughter and I discussed the differences in the development levels of her and many children we know in grades 3 through 6. Considering how varied the body-types were of so many kids in her school, this discussion was the perfect way to say, "everyone is going to experience this and so no one deserves to be singled-out for going through normal changes, no matter when they happen". Fortunately I have one of those sweethearts of a kid. She got the point.
7. Follow-up. There will be more conversations...this will not be it. Keep the lines of communication wide open. My daughter and I ended our evening with a fun Mommy-daughter "camp-in".
I know my readers love their kids. I hope this has been useful. I can honestly say, I feel like today I did some good parenting! Best of Luck to you all!
No comments:
Post a Comment