Time for ME

It's time to think about what is best for me and just me.  This almost sounds like I have jumped ship from my life and derailed on selfish island, right?  No one should feel confused, I am no different from the person I was yesterday or last week.  I do not plan to make sweeping changes or abruptly alter our course, but I do plan to ask myself with each turn in the road...what do I want?  I need to consider my decisions on the grounds of "are they helping me go in the direction of my dreams or are they holding me back completely? " On the other hand, they could be just holding me back slightly but over time it adds up to a lot.  If I sound like I am babbling, allow me to be clear here- I am at a crossroads once again.  Life is taking me to new heights and urging me to travel to unknown territories that I am eager to explore.  But I know there will be a cost to count...and I wonder how long before I hit a really big wall.  I don't want to be disappointed anymore.  I have spent far too many years in a state of disappointed hopes and I cannot bear to allow it anymore.  If I am afraid to pursue greater goals, I will definitely have failed and so this can never be an option.
I opened my log by saying I was asking myself what was right for me and only me.  There now, I have gone and said it twice!  Well I really mean it and I feel empowered by it, so it bears repeating.  You see, as a child I was often neglected and as a young women I was insecure.  As a new mother I was depressed and now I am enlightened.  So when I review where I have been, I recognize that I am in the greatest spiritual place of my life and so I should capitolize on it by developing my self worth.  there has never been a better time to do it and there never will be.  I have never been more excited about the opportunities around me, or felt more connected to those opportunities.  Many of the new doors opening around me are meant for my kids or my family as a whole and not me personally, but since we are a unit, I take it very personally and it is MY dream and my desire....

Following the guidleines from The Secret, The Power and The Master Key,  I have created Vision Boards and have developed my ability for Creative Visualization and Meditation.  I feel strongly connected with the process and see results.  I observe that there have been definite times when results occurred due to certain types of decisions I was making...more specifically after I made confident and succinct decisions.  It has been almost as though I was rewarded for having mental clarity.  Yes!  That is what I have been feeling...mental clarity!  So my vision board reflects the look of my home and the way I desire to live...closer to nature, in Florida, A Spanish Hacienda-style home.  And aside from the physical attributes of my desires, their is the way we live...earning a living by creative means and investments rather than punching the clock and abiding by the commonly accepted way of earning a living by being a wage-earning drone.  That sounded harsh.  Of course, I do not meant to say that every person who lives this way is unhappy.  In my lifetime it has served a purpose but has run its course.  I know I am not the only drone who wants to jump ship. 

This is my Lincoln Zephyr...they only rolled it out in 2006.  It is waiting for me somewhere out there.

So I have come against a difficult challenge.  With so many ways of analyzing the situation I have begun to feel a little low these last few days.  The irony is that there have been so many wonderful events happening that how could I possibly feel bad or sad?  But leave it to me to find a way!  I feel stress and I am trying to just think happy thoughts and visualize my desires and live the good life, but my demons are after me!  I need to face some difficult truths and still remain positive.  I also have been feeling the pressure to make everything happen, but I lack the financial stature to move forward with gusto!  And so if I were able to overcome the emotional connection to money (the negativity), then perhaps I could turn it around for us.  This is my desire.

So since I am at the most famous intersection ever created...(Disney Studios, Burbank),  I plan to make something happen!  Please wish me luck...